Losing it....with Beth

I typically have it together. I am organized, clean and creative. I am somewhat on a schedule but also fly by the seat of my pants. I handle pressure well and usually don't get embarrassed, flustered or overwhelmed. I am describing myself B.H. Before Hank.

I lose my parking pass daily, I am doing well to get anywhere much less on time and when I get there I look like I have just been through a wind storm. Now grant it, some days are better than others but not today. I finally have gotten in the parking garage for work after getting Hank to the doctor and to daycare. I am grabbing all of my crap, I have turned into the bag lady (purse, computer bag, lunch bag, work out bag, diaper bag, somedays the laundry bag). These are the bags that are loaded into the car each morning. Don't forget Hank. And then this bag has to get herself in the car. I am sweating thinking about it.

I make it from the parking garage to my office and could not find my phone. I checked my purse. Not there. Back to my car. Not there. Go back to my office. Dump out my purse. Not there. Back to my car. Check under the seats, in the cracks, console. Not there. Go back to my office. Check in the many bags I just told you about. NOT THERE. Have a coworker call my phone. Still NOT THERE. (SCREAMING) NOW I AM GOING BACK TO MY CAR............did I throw something away this morning during my "multi-tasking" of cleaning out the trash as I go to work. Take the lid off the trash only to hear my phone buzzing.

Yes, I threw away my phone.

Somedays you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Today is one of those days. i feel like a nut.

So I am working late tonight and have decided to create a blog. I am really hoping I can keep up with this as I feel like it will be both theraputic and well theraputic. There are days that I really just want to rant about nothing or to spill my guts and be sappy. So...I am going to give it a try.

Today we took Hank back to the pediatric surgeon for his post op check up. The doctor we see is a great surgeon but sucks when it comes to dealing with people. He creates anxiety for me. Rushes you in and out, leaving me regreting not asking the right questions, etc. He was cleared and we left. My sweet baby is healing perfectly. All we needed to hear. We press the button to call the elevator and when it opens, I am punched in the stomach. There stands a young boy, around 10 or so with a bald head. You can see the veins in his head and gray circles around his eyes. It is obvious that he is battling some God forsaken illness. I do not want to "look" at him as I am sure most people do, with the "I am sorry", "poor boy" or the "what is wrong" with you look. I kissed Hank probably 13 times as we went one level down. Praying to God that the little boy would heal and thanking him for my precious, healthy gift.

I never knew {although millions of people told me, which makes me want to puke to even think I am admiting they are right} that I could love someone so much. Hank has brought closer to my life in certain areas, made my connection to my husband stronger than I could ever have imagined and made me a less selfish person. I love the innocence of a child. They love the simple things, love you undconditionally and are not judgemental. There are so many times when adults should act more like babies....well you know what I mean.

I don't want to be Debbie downer so I have decided that the little boy was told today that he was in remission. He beat the illness and is going to be fully recovered....with a full head of hair. Blonde Hair {although he was cute bald}.

Thank you to all of my friends and family. I love you. Life and God is good.

peace.